The Four Agreements by Miguel

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Amazon Best Sellers of 2019 in Books #19，定格日期：2019年4月22日。

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, by Don Miguel Ruiz, is a wonderful book for stress management and personal growth. It's written in simple language but deals with complex themes that can help you bring sweeping changes to your life.

Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word

What it entails: This agreement discusses avoiding gossip, lies, empty promises, and other ways in which we cause problems with our words. Say only what you mean, and realize that you can cause damage if you're not careful with what you say.

Points to be aware of: Many people don't realize the power of their words and don't see the harm that can be caused by speaking carelessly, thoughtlessly, or aggressively. Most of us are aware that screaming at someone may be upsetting to them, but subtle little digs at them, or gossip behind their backs, can hurt others more than we realize, and in hurting them, we hurt ourselves. While it's great to be conscientious about how we use our words, this agreement may be hard to follow completely. It's a great goal to aspire to, though, and a good direction to work toward, in any case.

Agreement 2: Don’t Take Anything Personally

What it entails: This concept deals with understanding how other people's behaviors are a reflection of them only. When someone gives us feedback about our behavior or about us as people, it's important to remember that no opinions are truly objective; we all have our biases, our filters through which we view the world. Because of this, we shouldn't take anyone else's view of us or our actions as entirely accurate. When someone says something about us, they're really saying something about themselves and how they view the world.

Points to be aware of: This is good advice for helping you become less reactive, defensive, and retaliatory, but keep it in balance. While everyone has their biases and there is no such thing as true objectivity, by never taking anything personally, you can really limit your ability to see your own negative patterns and biased thinking and work on developing more healthy patterns and clear-sighted thinking. As M. Scott Peck says in The Road Less Traveled, "The problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for in this life is one of the greatest problems of human existence." While it's important to let go of much of our concern over other people's opinions, some feedback should be considered, and the needs of others should also be respected. Don’t give up on the work of distinguishing responsibility, or you end up creating more stress in the long run.