Being kind will get you far in life.
待人親切能豐富你的生活。
When you can go beyond the ego, you are able to break free from self-absorbed habits that can damage your health.
當(dāng)你能超越自我，你就能夠從不健康的自私思考習(xí)慣中解放。
But swing on the other side to extremes and too much kindness can just be destructive.
但在兩種極端情緒中搖擺不定，以及太過和善都是不好的。
Family and marriage therapist Darlene Lancer says that people-pleasing habits start from your childhood.
家庭及婚姻治療師達(dá)琳·蘭森說："取悅他人的習(xí)慣是從小造成的。"
If you feel like you always have to accommodate to others, it may have stemmed from your parents, who withheld love from you, forced impossible expectations on you and practice unfair ways of disciplining you.
如果你覺得你常常要迎合他人，這可能是因?yàn)楦改笡]有給予足夠的關(guān)愛，對(duì)你有過高的期待，以及不合理的懲罰方式。
Does this sound like you?
這些聽起來像你所經(jīng)歷過的嗎？
Here are 5 Signs You Are A People Pleaser.
這里有五點(diǎn)可以看出你是不是愛討好他人的人。
1. You agree with others because you're afraid of conflict.
第一點(diǎn)，你因?yàn)楹ε聽?zhēng)執(zhí)而贊同別人。
Do you have different political beliefs from your friends, that you keep to yourself.
你的政治觀點(diǎn)是否跟朋友不同，卻只敢藏在心里。
Or go along with the family tradition, even though you hate it.
或是參加家庭活動(dòng)，但其實(shí)討厭得要命。
If you agree with others, just for the sake of making others feel happy.
如果你迎合別人只是要讓其他人開心。
Consequently, you run the risk of making yourself feel uncomfortable.
到頭來，你只可能讓自己不開心。
You might end up losing friends when you state your honest opinions or get into domestic quarrels, but this can be beneficial in the long run.
最后你可能會(huì)因?yàn)檎f出真正的想法而失去朋友，或陷入家庭爭(zhēng)吵，但最終你能從中受益。
You can find out who your true friends are, by showing your real self and taking an active part in decision making with your family.
通過展現(xiàn)真實(shí)的自我以及積極參與家庭決策，你能知道誰才是你真正的朋友。
Remember: being passive easily results in dissatisfaction, when your thoughts aren't being heard.
記住，當(dāng)你的想法沒有被聽到時(shí)，消極的態(tài)度容易萌生不滿的情緒。
But practicing self-expression helps you feel more self-assured about your values and ideals.
但練習(xí)自我表達(dá)，能幫助你在自我價(jià)值與理想形象上更添自信。
2. Saying 'No' is a challenge for you.
第二點(diǎn)，挑戰(zhàn)說"不"。
Are you constantly busy because you're always taking on more than enough projects?
你是否因?yàn)榻邮痔嗥髣澃付鴷r(shí)常處于忙碌狀態(tài)？
Pause for a second and ask yourself: when was the last time you allowed yourself a good break?
暫停一下，并問問自己最后一次好好休息是什么時(shí)候？
It's great helping someone reach their goals and show people you are a reliable worker, friend and colleague.
幫人達(dá)成目標(biāo)，讓人知道你是個(gè)能夠依賴的員工、朋友、以及同事是好事。
But your dreams, goals and health matter too.
但你的夢(mèng)想、目標(biāo)、健康也同樣重要。
It doesn't make you a bad person if you want to cancel plans over the weekend or make time to get your own work done first.
如果你想取消整個(gè)周末的行程，或是先將自己的工作做完，這并不表示你是個(gè)壞人。
3. When you help others out, you feel more resentful than fulfilled.
第三點(diǎn)，當(dāng)你幫助人，你感到氣憤多于滿足。
Research shows that practicing compassion can give you a sense of purpose and make you feel more connected to your community.
研究顯示憐憫能夠產(chǎn)生使命感，讓你與社會(huì)產(chǎn)生更多連結(jié)。
But when you do it to a point where it burns you out, you might want to retreat for a bit and reflect on what's not working.
但當(dāng)你因?yàn)椴粩鄳z憫他人而累壞的時(shí)候，你可能會(huì)小小退縮，并且思考是哪里不對(duì)。
Psychotherapist Sharon Martin advises you to pay attention to whether you are doing things out of true desire or because you feel obligated.
心理治療師雪倫·馬丁建議觀察自己做事的動(dòng)機(jī)是"自己想要"，還是"自己必要"。
4. You're incredibly hard on yourself.
第四點(diǎn)，你對(duì)自己非常嚴(yán)格。
When parents are overbearing and have high demands for you, it puts you at a higher risk of being a people pleaser.
當(dāng)家長(zhǎng)嚴(yán)厲督促或?qū)δ惚С指叨绕谠S，這很有可能讓你變得愛討好他人。
Does this sound like you?
這聽起來像你嗎？
When you make mistakes, you don't cut yourself slack and strive for perfection, instead of progress.
當(dāng)你犯錯(cuò)，你不會(huì)放過自己，并且力求達(dá)到完美，而非重視過程。
Psychologists Thomas Kern and Andrew Hill define perfectionism as "an irrational desire to achieve, along with being overly critical of one's self and others".
心理學(xué)家湯瑪斯·庫(kù)蘭以及安德魯·希爾將完美主義定義為"對(duì)于自身及他人過度苛刻，只為了達(dá)成目標(biāo)的不合理渴望。"
When you don't embrace your failures, you will never learn resilience, an essential life skill to have.
當(dāng)你不愿意擁抱挫敗，你永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)有韌性，無法擁有生活技巧的核心。
Focus on your strengths instead and practice mindfulness.
全神貫注在你的強(qiáng)項(xiàng)，并學(xué)習(xí)專注于當(dāng)下。
5. You pretend like you're doing alright, when you're actually hurting on the inside.
第五點(diǎn)，內(nèi)心受傷時(shí)，你假裝一切都好。
When you experience all the previous points mentioned (over-extending yourself to others, being hard on yourself and agreeing with others just to avoid conflict), it makes it difficult for people to reach you when you aren't vulnerable enough to state your true feelings.
當(dāng)你經(jīng)歷過前面提到的所有狀況（過度延伸自己以融入他人，對(duì)自己過度要求只為了避免爭(zhēng)執(zhí)而迎合他人），當(dāng)你沒有勇氣說出自己的真實(shí)感受，這讓人很難了解你。
Bottling your emotions up, instead of openly talking about them, can prevent you from forming authentic connections.
將情緒裝在瓶子里，而不是打開天窗說亮話會(huì)讓你無法與他人產(chǎn)生真正的連結(jié)。
Is it really worth keeping everyone happy when this only sustains artificial relationships?
維持虛假的關(guān)系，只為了讓大家快樂，這真的值得嗎？
Remember this the next time you want to hide your disappointment.
記住，當(dāng)你下次想要藏起失望之情
When was the last time you did something without feeling the pressure to please?
問問自己最后一次不用迎合他人來做事？
Want to learn how to stop negative thoughts?
是什么時(shí)候想要學(xué)習(xí)如何停止負(fù)面思想嗎？
Check out our video here.
快來看看這里的影片。
Thanks for watching!
謝謝收看！
海量英語聽力資源，高亮雙語字幕，盡在每日英語聽力~
用戶評(píng)論